Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
