The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
