But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
