Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sarcasm needs its own font
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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