I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize