you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
how drunk are you?
Several
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
