My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
