Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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