It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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