I wish I only lived at night.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
