Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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