this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
