Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
