I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
