I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
