I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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