thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
