Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
