so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
