marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
