Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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