dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will be naked everywhere
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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