I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
3 2 1 whiskey
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
