so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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