her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
