What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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