My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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