I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
