I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
