I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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