so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
