seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
