Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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