I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
