Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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