id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
