then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
