I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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