this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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