HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
