talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
