he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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