We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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