Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
