Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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