Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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