I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
