We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
