they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All the doctor said was why
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
