So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
