fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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