I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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