Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
