So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
