I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize