it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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