Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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