So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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