Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
