I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
