we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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