I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
