when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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