I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
