Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
