dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
