seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
