she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
