I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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