Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
