just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
