so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
