He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
