Umm I'm too high to move.
You can't motorboat a personality
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
