I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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