My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
