I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
