she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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