I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
