We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
