Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
